God has ALWAYS been there!

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." - Psalm 139: 13-16

I know when my birthday is, of course...the day I left my mother's womb and entered the world. However, I'm not exactly sure when it was I began to exist. I don't really know when my "conception day" is! I'm sure very few of us know. Even if our parents know the day they joined to make us...no one really knows when it was that the sperm met the egg.

Psalm 139 says that God was there, watching. That He knit us together. In my mind see the Lord's gentle hands guiding a very special and chosen sperm to the egg. I don't see anything happening "by chance" or accident. I literally can see Him taking and joining the egg and sperm and knitting them together...and then sitting back and watching with complete joy and love as the cells begin to divide over and over. I see Him sitting there and watching the ENTIRE process for the whole 9 months that we live, growing, in our mother's womb...with a love and pride that only a Father can have.

In nursing school we did an entire rotation in maternal/child (OB/Labor and Delivery/Post Partum). It was my favorite....but, I didn't realize it at the time. (That's a whole other post!) It was during this rotation, as I learned in great detail all the things that have to come into alignment in order for a baby to be made, that I really began to understand the MIRACLE that is every child. And, ultimately, the miracle that every individual is on this planet. It's easy to lose sight of with people getting pregnant unwantingly, "babies having babies", abortions taking place, women on welfare with multiple kids, etc....and then the flip side, more and more couples facing infertility. It would appear that some women are just more fertile than others...and, in all that, it's easy to only look at the science aspect and forget the Lord's role in it all.

I don't mean to discredit science. I believe that's the way God designed it. And, as you really break down the science of it...in my opinion, you can't help give credit to the divine. When you look at the hormone levels that have to rise and fall and ovulation and all the things that have to take place in a woman...in order for her to ovulate. Not to mention compatibility of the man with the woman, in terms of fluid. Then you have to factor in timing... And then when you step back and look at this very, VERY small window that conception is possible...you have to wonder how ANY babies are EVER made!

It was as the Lord really spoke to my heart about all this that I came to the realization that, truly, He is there for EVERY child's conception. There are no accidents... YOU may not have intended to get pregnant, but God had a different idea...and He wanted that child, made that child, and gave that child to you. There is a lot I still don't understand...for some women getting pregnant is easy and they have to really be careful is they aren't ready for, or don't want to add to their family. And for others pregnancy is difficult...they have to jump through hoops, and they still may not achieve their goal. But, the fact still remains....God is in it all. His plan is perfect, He sees all and knows all.

My heart is warmed and I feel special knowing...God has been there since the very beginning. He hung out, watching over me lovingly. In my mind, talking to me about what my life would be like...breathing into me hopes and dreams, things that I have always taken for granted. Like my desire and passion for singing/music....I imagine in those days, weeks, months...God was placing those giftings in me as I grew. So, it's always been there...always been a part of me.

He really is our daddy....He kept careful watch over His precious package. Much as a new parent does when they first bring their baby home...they watch them sleep and breath and just stay close in case their baby needs anything. The keep them close by the bed at night so they can respond quickly. The wrap them tight and hold them close to help the baby feel secure. So did our Father do with us.

New kicks

Caleb got his very first pair of shoes this weekend....size 5W! We went to Striderite and were in and out in like 10 min. When you're that small, the selection isn't all that vast....plus, that's pretty much what we went to the mall for. We had done a bit of homework before going, so...it was just a matter of finding the right size and paying. I was a bit floored, however, when the nice saleswoman informed me that I need to have his foot measured every 2-3 months until he's 2 because that's how much his foot will be changing! Woah! I don't know why I was so surprised, considering how much he's grown and changed....but, to hear it laid out like that was kinda like a sock in the gut!

I've begun the invitations for his party...I would like to get them all made up this week so I can get them sent out the first of October....which is approaching rapidly and will be here before I know it! It's just best for me to keep a few steps ahead!
Maybe I can find some cool ideas of 'decor' that I can make inexpensively....then I won't have to buy a lot of stuff. I need to find a tree that's dropping acorns...

Matt will be starting an outage here shortly...one in which he will be working nights. I'm not looking forward to that...I hate outages as it is, but especially when he's working nights. He's basicly out of commission for those weeks... Oh well, it's a job and we're blessed he has it and the OT will be some nice extra cash which is needed so I won't complain...too much. ;)

What if the Lord had not been on our side?

David asks this question in Psalm 124:1. It's interesting, and scary, to think about. Where would I be? Would I even be here still? I shudder when I think of some of the very foolish and dangerous things I have done in the past...positions I have placed myself in when I was following my flesh more than I was the Lord. And, the truth of the matter is...I really have no clue how many times the Lord has saved my butt... What if He hadn't have been on my side? What if, even just once, He decided to give me the true justice I DESERVED.

"The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve." - Psalm 103: 8-10

Thank the Lord we aren't all getting what we actually deserve for our behaviors/actions! I don't want to even consider what life would be like if He wasn't on our side...

It's good to reflect upon where the Lord has brought us from, what He's brought us through and what He's taking us to. Because, the Lord being on our side doesn't only mean we've escaped "punishment" we are deservant of...it also means we have been granted Grace, Mercy, Compassion, Love, Riches, Glory, Annointing, Gifts, etc...that we aren't worthy of. It's because of His love for us, and because He's on our side, that he bestows upon us these wonderful blessings.

Carried by our Savior

"Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day He carries us in His arms." -Psalm 68:19

It's a difficult thing to fathom, being carried each and every day in the arms of God. But it's comforting when I really reflect upon it. To remember it at all times, in every situation....that's what He would want us to remember. He is, after all, our Father.

Someone recently broke it down for me: (It may not sound as profound to you as it was for me that day...possibly the enlightening came from the fact that I really needed a reminder!) God is our Father, and as such He doesn't delight in our wrong doings...nor does he focus on our failures. He doesn't punish us and "kick us while we're down". He loves us. If you're a parent, you can relate. When your child is learning to walk (which my son currently is....so, this picture is very real right now), in the process he takes a step and falls. There's a lot of falling in the process of learning to walk. As his mother, I don't focus on the falls...I rejoice in the accomplishment of every. single. step. Every step is a wonderful accomplishment...and, oh boy! two in a row deserves a call to grandma so she can rejoice too! In fact, I was just informed by said grandparents today that if Caleb starts walking while they are away on vacation (2 weeks) that I NEEDED to call and inform them! Did they ask me to call for every stumble? Ummm....no, that's silly!
Why on earth would we ever think that God, our Father, who loves us EXPONENTIALLY more than we love our own children (hard to fathom)...who CREATED us, why would we think He is any different?

God isn't the one focusing on our wrong-doings, or foul-ups, our "oops-es"...WE DO. That's right, it's us. With a little (or a lot) of help from the stinky devil. Woah....wait...I'm doing this to MYSELF??? Yup...pretty much. Whether it's pride, condemnation, guilt....whatever the case may be, we become consumed with the wrong-doing that we forget to FORGIVE OURSELVES. God loves us. He's waiting to pick us up, dust us off, and encourage us that next time...we WILL do better. We'll take two steps! And He'll rejoice in that! We're the ones counting the falls between the steps....not Him.

Caleb/Food Update

Caleb is 10 months old now! I can't believe how fast time has flown by! I'm especially in awe lately as I've taken a babysitting job for a 3 months old little boy in my neighborhood...it's a reminder of how far Caleb has come from those days. It's amazing how much a little life changes in that first year!

Caleb is a very active little man, pulling himself up on everything and even pushing his walker around in the living room. It's only a matter of time before this little guy is walking...but, of course, everything on his terms!

I'm really not certain how much he weighs or how tall he is...and we don't go back to the doctor until his 1 year check up. He wears 12-18 months bottoms and 18-24 months tops. He's still got 6 teeth...but we suspect more are on their way soon by the fact that he's forever got his hand crammed in his mouth!

He says 'da-da' and does a LOT of babbling, but nothing that sounds like any words we are familiar with! He entertains himself very well, just scooting around the living room, looking outside, getting into everything! He claps, and has done a 'ify' wave once or twice.

He has a pleasant demeanor most of the time and is very smiley and happy. He still tolerates being over-tired well...which is nice since he fights nap time like the plague!

Matt and I have been busy "planning" his first birthday party. We've decided that we will do it here at the house, and pray for good weather so we can have everyone in the backyard! We'll do a fall/harvest theme and have the menu pretty much planned. It should be a good time! I'm getting excited thinking about it....it's still a couple months off though! :) We also have his "Halloween" costume picked out...I just need to order it. I say "Halloween" because I'm not thrilled about that holiday...but our church does a fun harvest party and the kids all dress up and play games and get candy...so, that's primarily what the costume is for.

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As far as my eating/working out/weight loss update goes: We're at a bit of a standstill...but, I'm not too disappointed.

I've done a good job of maintaining my eating habits...with a few exceptions.

We had family in town in mid-August...which meant a lot of meals together and eating a bit more...but I did really good through it all. It's when my menstrual cycle began that I kinda "lost it"...and I gained a bit of weight back. (I supposed I should have said that I was down a total of 20 lbs).

After the "week of hormones", I was back on track and quickly was back down to what I should be. So...now, I'm just maintaining. I know I need to add exercise into the regimen....that will make a huge difference for sure! But, at this point I'm just happy to be maintaining with the diet!

I know the rest will come...

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God..."

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. My victory and honor come from God alone. He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me. O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge." -Psalm 62: 5-8

Again, the Lord is reminding me that if I take refuge in Him, no enemy will be able to reach me and I WILL NOT be shaken! It's difficult to remember that, or even feel that way, in the midst. But...that's the truth. The key, however, is choosing to seek refuge in Him....not the tv, or the computer, chocolate, our spouse...nothing else but God will bring us to that place where we won't be touched or shaken. Where it's POSSIBLE to wait quietly before God.

Too often I forget to seek refuge in Him...I do what my flesh finds easiest. Try to ignore by doing something mindless so I don't have to think. Or bury myself in comfort food, or the comfort of my husband's loving arms. While a comforting hug from my husband isn't bad, it shouldn't be where I seek refuge....because as nice as it may feel in the moment, his arms can't protect me from my enemies....only HIS can.

Forgetting to seek refuge in Him, makes it pretty much impossible to wait quietly before Him. I basically turn into a snotty, 2-yr-old who wants her way now and when she doesn't get it does the spiritual equivalent of throwing a temper tantrum. As unflattering as this makes me sound, I'm certain that if people were honest they'd find that this was true of themselves as well. I'm pretty much certain it's true of anyone, who forgets to seek their refuge in the Lord.

Verse one of this psalm says "...my victory comes from Him". If we choose to seek refuge in Him when life just seems to be "blech"...He WILL protect us from our enemies, He WILL keep us from being shaken and He WILL give us victory!

"My only hope is in you."

Psalm 39:7- "And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you."

It's difficult for me to remember, while I'm in a situation, that my hope is in Him....not the situation. I get too caught up looking at my surroundings, focusing on what's going on....and the hopelessness of it....I forget that my hope doesn't lie there. My hope shouldn't lie in my own abilities, my husband's, my church or pastor's, my parents or family, my country or government...all of these things/people WILL fail me. It's inevitable.

My only hope is in You...

Lately, as in the past few weeks....ok, possibly longer....it seems as if my life has been bombarded with said "situations". Whether percieved or actual. Although, if I'm being honest, a lot of these situations actually take place in my mind. Not that I'm intentionally making something up or stirring up "drama"....it's more like I get focused on the future....making plans, trying to figure things out....and I forget that I'm not even promised tomorrow! I'm not even promised the next hour! How on earth do I get so wrapped up in what MIGHT happen?

My only hope is in You...

The enemy of my soul tries to steal my hope in things that the Lord has promised me...tries to get me focused again on situations, or what I see presently happening. The Lord wants to give us the desires of our heart....I mean, He placed them there in the first place. And, sometimes, those desires are BIG. HUGE, even. Huge enough to seem....impossible. See, that's the neat thing about God....with Him, all things are possible. So...if our hope is in Him and the desire is from Him....WITH Him, it's attainable.

My only hope is in You...

I need to stop thinking so much on the negative...what I see at face value. I need to TRUST that the God who created me, who knows my thoughts and desires and knows all things, has "got my back". If I'm seeking Him and His will for my life...despite how things may seem, I can HOPE in Him...and believe that it's all gonna be ok.

My only hope is in You! Thank you Jesus!