Well...I got most of my Christmas Cards/announcements sent out before Christmas...the rest will just have to be "late" I guess. (Is it late if it comes after Christmas or is it late if it comes after New Year's??) I did my best, some things just can't be helped..... Like when your hubby forgets to get stamps from the grocery store, or when you keep forgetting to call your father to get some addresses from him...
This has been the most unique and unorganized holiday season I've encountered so far. I can't completely blame it on being a new mommy...it's just been a little odd. I guess it is from having my little man, in a round about way. For example...I was a little behind in school for having missed two weeks when he was born...so, that hasn't helped. And...getting out and about with a little guy is a bit more challenging...mostly just because ppl are crazy and any avoidance of the holiday chaos is best! I think a large part of the holiday "oddness" is the fact that Matt is working ALL holidays (including the Thanksgiving holiday that he already worked) this year. He goes back in to work tonight.... So, he won't be around to celebrate with us tonight...and will be asleep tomorrow. It's hard to feel overly "festive" when I know he won't be around for our lil man's very first Christmas... At least Caleb is too young to remember his first Christmas and won't know that his daddy had to work, but it's the idea behind it. On a positive, we will be with family...it's not like he and I will be sitting home alone.
Onto a Caleb update: He is now officially sleeping in his own room! After a purchase of a monitor (which we actually got a few weeks ago but chickened out on actually transferring him then) and utilizing a baby positioning system that was given to me (so that he won't scoot his little face next to the bumper), we have successfully transferred him to his own bed in his own room! And he LOVES it! And so do we!! He's so content most of the time and is becoming more and more interactive with his environment...smiling and such when we talk to him, it's fun!
I started this post hours ago and had to "put it away" for a while because we were babysitting our nephews....(going from 1 to 3 boys...yikes!)....it was fun! Caleb is too small for them to interact with, but they tried a bit. The rest of the time was spent chasing around a 1 year old! Now both of my boys are down for a nap and I am left to figure out if I should brave the icy roads and the madness of the stores to get Caleb some formula.... My mom has a stash at her house that I'm sure will help get me through until I can get to the store again....I'm feeling pretty tired myself. (We've been up since 4 this am....Caleb went to bed REALLY early last night...which was great at the time, but not so great when he was ready to start the day @4!!). Maybe I'll catch a nap myself before the evenings festivities begin...maybe...
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Whew...
As of a few hours ago I am *officially* done with this semester! I turned in my last paper just a few minutes shy of the deadline....this is not my typical adademic behavior...I am SO glad this semester is over!!
With only a few short weeks until the next semester begins...I feel so exhausted and kinda wish it wasn't such a busy time of the year so that I could relax and ENJOY doing....nothing!! I'm sure I'll sneak a few of those days in too!
Caleb is doing great! He's more and more alert everyday and is just starting to interact with people and his surroundings. He had spent quite a bit of time down with grandma and grandpa Caple while mommy finished her paper and took a test....and when I went down there to get him and I held him after being away so long he just couldn't stop smiling and grinning at me. Everytime I talked to him he would smile again! It brought tears to my eyes I was so happy, because it was the first time I REALLY knew that he knew he was looking at his mommy! He was happy to see me!! What a joy!
He's still doing really good about "sleeping through" the night....he mostly does, but every once in a while he'll wake up and cry because he realized his binky fell out of his mouth! So....once I pop that baby back in he's out.... Unfortunatley, I'm not liking this routine. It's annoying as it is now....and he's still in our room....pretty soon we'll be moving him into his room and there is no way I'm gonna want to be getting up every few hours just to put his binky back in....no thanks. So....I dunno, I don't really have an answer to that for now...but I will be thinking of a solution to that real soon!
He takes about 4-5 bottles a day....anywhere between 5-6 oz each. He's a good eater!! He doesn't spit up too much....but when he does it's usually a good one! He's been grasping at things more and more....I think it's time to get him some little toys he can hold in his little hands. I really want to get him a "softie" also.
Matt has been working nights still...it's been hard on all of us. But after Thrusday night he's supposed to have 6 days off in a row!! That'll be nice...we can spend a bit of quality time together as a family to make up for the fact that he's working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years....and he worked Thanksgivng. Oh well....the outage will be over soon and then it's back to his normal schedule!
I guess I should head back to bed....got up with Caleb for a diaper change and clean his little nose out. This is somewhat routine for him too...having a poopy diaper in the middle of the night! Well, when u gotta go...u gotta go!!
With only a few short weeks until the next semester begins...I feel so exhausted and kinda wish it wasn't such a busy time of the year so that I could relax and ENJOY doing....nothing!! I'm sure I'll sneak a few of those days in too!
Caleb is doing great! He's more and more alert everyday and is just starting to interact with people and his surroundings. He had spent quite a bit of time down with grandma and grandpa Caple while mommy finished her paper and took a test....and when I went down there to get him and I held him after being away so long he just couldn't stop smiling and grinning at me. Everytime I talked to him he would smile again! It brought tears to my eyes I was so happy, because it was the first time I REALLY knew that he knew he was looking at his mommy! He was happy to see me!! What a joy!
He's still doing really good about "sleeping through" the night....he mostly does, but every once in a while he'll wake up and cry because he realized his binky fell out of his mouth! So....once I pop that baby back in he's out.... Unfortunatley, I'm not liking this routine. It's annoying as it is now....and he's still in our room....pretty soon we'll be moving him into his room and there is no way I'm gonna want to be getting up every few hours just to put his binky back in....no thanks. So....I dunno, I don't really have an answer to that for now...but I will be thinking of a solution to that real soon!
He takes about 4-5 bottles a day....anywhere between 5-6 oz each. He's a good eater!! He doesn't spit up too much....but when he does it's usually a good one! He's been grasping at things more and more....I think it's time to get him some little toys he can hold in his little hands. I really want to get him a "softie" also.
Matt has been working nights still...it's been hard on all of us. But after Thrusday night he's supposed to have 6 days off in a row!! That'll be nice...we can spend a bit of quality time together as a family to make up for the fact that he's working Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years....and he worked Thanksgivng. Oh well....the outage will be over soon and then it's back to his normal schedule!
I guess I should head back to bed....got up with Caleb for a diaper change and clean his little nose out. This is somewhat routine for him too...having a poopy diaper in the middle of the night! Well, when u gotta go...u gotta go!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Long week
It's been a very long week...and yet I'm not really sure why. I think I've just been "off my game" in a while. I'm sure it started before last Saturday, but then I ended up sick last weekend and that just solidified my "lack of game".
My cousins wedding was so beautiful last weekend! I couldn't have imagined a more perfect wedding! And she looked gorgeous! And I didn't take a single picture, at least not on my own camera. Bummer. I had just started with the stomach flu that morning unfortunatley, so I didn't get to taste any of the food that look so delicious! But, I made it though the night with no "accidents"....thank the Lord! (And trust me, this was a very real concern!) I had to laugh though, my mom was on the dance floor the minute the music started and was only off it to coax others to join her in the fun! I think I would have been out there more if I didn't feel so weak from not having had anything more than gingerale all day! It was a hoot! Caleb did fabulous...only making his mark during the toast with a lound belch, not too shabby.
Sunday and Monday were spent recovering still...my tummy was much better but I was still weak and having headaches. I had class on Wednesday, which wasn't really class but a nice bruch my instructor threw for us. It was a nice spread...she did a great job! We only stayed a few hours as there was threat of blizzardy weather...which indeed came.
Now it's Saturday again....Matt's back to work, just for the night...but it ruins our weekend together. He's only getting enough days off to catch up on sleep and help me around the house. We have no Christmas decor up...and no hopes of getting any up. I have a paper and a test breathing down my neck to finish for the semester. Maybe this is why I'm feeling "off"....it's stress or something. Oh well, by next week school will be done and by the end of the month (hopefully) Matt will be back on his normal schedule. Hopefully then we will settle in to some sort of a routine around here. Then again....maybe this is our new "normal"....lack of any sort of routine. Maybe I am just being pressed to learn some flexability and patience; to learn to just go with the flow and let go, because I'm not in control....no matter how much I THINK I am or WANT to be. I think this is the ever present lesson that God is trying to teach me. I really do want to get it...it's just difficult to recognize sometimes.
Anywho...Caleb is back to sleeping through the night, after a rough week or so after Thanksgiving! We've been figuring out a "sort of" routine together. However, every time I think I've figured it out....he does something completely different and I'm all confused. For example....on Thursday he was awake pretty much all day from the time he woke up (around 9 am)...until he went to sleep that night (after 9pm). I think he took a short nap in the am for about an hour and that's it!! However, the next day he slept all day long!! I, of course, "woke" him every 4 hours to eat...but he would eat with his eyes shut and just go back to sleep. Today has been a more "normal" day. He naps for a short while in the am, a longer while in the pm and goes to bed around 9pm. That's the plan anyway! Usually he'll sleep until 7-8...maybe even 9! I feel blessed that he's sleeping through the night already...I don't think it would be a pretty sight if he wasn't....I don't function well on no sleep!
Caleb is having more and more periods of interaction with us....mostly he'll just look and take it in....but we're getting some smiles back from time to time! He takes anywhere between 4-6 oz at a feeding...and it really does vary. Sometimes he sucks down 6 oz and I think he's wanting more. Other times he stops at 4 and I can't get him to take another drop. I guess it all evens out....and if I were nursing that's probablly how it would go as well since you never really know how much a baby nurses. He's growing taller it seems, however I haven't measured. We weighed him at mom's the other day, she has this antique scale that my grandma used to weigh her on and then my mom used it to weigh her 3 kids on it....and now Caleb! He was 1 1/2 lbs up from his birthweight. And it was pretty accurate because we tested it first with a 5 lbs bag of sugar! So...he may be eating a lot, but he's not really gained a lot. Some of his 0-3 mo clothes are definatley too small....and some fit ok. Some of his 3-6 mo and 6 mo clothes fit him well, and some are a bit large. So...I can't say for sure what size he's in....we just try to make it all work!
I guess that's it on the Caleb update! I think Matt and I will be attempting to take a nice pic of him and send out a christmas card...at least that's the plan! I wish I could post updated pics on here...he's changed so much in the past 5 1/2 weeks! I still can't believe I'm a momma!!
My cousins wedding was so beautiful last weekend! I couldn't have imagined a more perfect wedding! And she looked gorgeous! And I didn't take a single picture, at least not on my own camera. Bummer. I had just started with the stomach flu that morning unfortunatley, so I didn't get to taste any of the food that look so delicious! But, I made it though the night with no "accidents"....thank the Lord! (And trust me, this was a very real concern!) I had to laugh though, my mom was on the dance floor the minute the music started and was only off it to coax others to join her in the fun! I think I would have been out there more if I didn't feel so weak from not having had anything more than gingerale all day! It was a hoot! Caleb did fabulous...only making his mark during the toast with a lound belch, not too shabby.
Sunday and Monday were spent recovering still...my tummy was much better but I was still weak and having headaches. I had class on Wednesday, which wasn't really class but a nice bruch my instructor threw for us. It was a nice spread...she did a great job! We only stayed a few hours as there was threat of blizzardy weather...which indeed came.
Now it's Saturday again....Matt's back to work, just for the night...but it ruins our weekend together. He's only getting enough days off to catch up on sleep and help me around the house. We have no Christmas decor up...and no hopes of getting any up. I have a paper and a test breathing down my neck to finish for the semester. Maybe this is why I'm feeling "off"....it's stress or something. Oh well, by next week school will be done and by the end of the month (hopefully) Matt will be back on his normal schedule. Hopefully then we will settle in to some sort of a routine around here. Then again....maybe this is our new "normal"....lack of any sort of routine. Maybe I am just being pressed to learn some flexability and patience; to learn to just go with the flow and let go, because I'm not in control....no matter how much I THINK I am or WANT to be. I think this is the ever present lesson that God is trying to teach me. I really do want to get it...it's just difficult to recognize sometimes.
Anywho...Caleb is back to sleeping through the night, after a rough week or so after Thanksgiving! We've been figuring out a "sort of" routine together. However, every time I think I've figured it out....he does something completely different and I'm all confused. For example....on Thursday he was awake pretty much all day from the time he woke up (around 9 am)...until he went to sleep that night (after 9pm). I think he took a short nap in the am for about an hour and that's it!! However, the next day he slept all day long!! I, of course, "woke" him every 4 hours to eat...but he would eat with his eyes shut and just go back to sleep. Today has been a more "normal" day. He naps for a short while in the am, a longer while in the pm and goes to bed around 9pm. That's the plan anyway! Usually he'll sleep until 7-8...maybe even 9! I feel blessed that he's sleeping through the night already...I don't think it would be a pretty sight if he wasn't....I don't function well on no sleep!
Caleb is having more and more periods of interaction with us....mostly he'll just look and take it in....but we're getting some smiles back from time to time! He takes anywhere between 4-6 oz at a feeding...and it really does vary. Sometimes he sucks down 6 oz and I think he's wanting more. Other times he stops at 4 and I can't get him to take another drop. I guess it all evens out....and if I were nursing that's probablly how it would go as well since you never really know how much a baby nurses. He's growing taller it seems, however I haven't measured. We weighed him at mom's the other day, she has this antique scale that my grandma used to weigh her on and then my mom used it to weigh her 3 kids on it....and now Caleb! He was 1 1/2 lbs up from his birthweight. And it was pretty accurate because we tested it first with a 5 lbs bag of sugar! So...he may be eating a lot, but he's not really gained a lot. Some of his 0-3 mo clothes are definatley too small....and some fit ok. Some of his 3-6 mo and 6 mo clothes fit him well, and some are a bit large. So...I can't say for sure what size he's in....we just try to make it all work!
I guess that's it on the Caleb update! I think Matt and I will be attempting to take a nice pic of him and send out a christmas card...at least that's the plan! I wish I could post updated pics on here...he's changed so much in the past 5 1/2 weeks! I still can't believe I'm a momma!!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Poopy-HOT-Mess....
Lately, my son's poopy diapers have been a hot mess!!! Heavy on the mess... For whatever reason they have been leaking out from time to time (which I hear is normal), but he's decided to make this a fairly regular event in the last couple of days. I pray not today as we will be attending my cousins wedding! Last night was probably the worst so far. We all went to South Bend to do a little shopping (mostly finding something to wear for the wedding we will be attending today), and to just hang out as a family. (Both of Caleb's parents like to shop, so he has to learn early!) We closed down the mall at 9, and we stood in front of the door getting lil man all buckled in his car seat when we noticed the odor! But, the mall was closing so utilizing their facilities was not an option....we needed to find another bathroom. Matt had suggested changing him in the car...but it was FREEZING out, and there was no good way to change him without having the door open. We pulled up to a fast food place in hopes of a baby changing station.....no such luck. (And massive amounts of frustration on my part, I might add) So, after driving for 10 min and not finding anywhere....when Matt pulled over to refill the gas tank, I told him "let's go for it, we'll change him in here." So, Matt pulled him out and placed him in the drivers seat while he was pumping....it was then that I discovered that we were more in need of a large bathtub and spray hose and all I had was a few measly wipes! Thankfully the car was blasting hot and the little guy didn't mind at all me stripping him down to nothing so I could get him all cleaned up. It was a four handed job for sure at times....Matt would reach in to help for a few minutes and then re close the door so he wouldn't get too cold. What a fiasco! My content boy never let us know that he even had a poopy diaper, he just slept the whole time....and never made a peep while I changed him either. I was "peeping" up enough for the both of us though..... WHO DOESN'T HAVE BABY CHANGING STATIONS??
That was a 30 minute diaper change! I pray we never have to do that again!
That was a 30 minute diaper change! I pray we never have to do that again!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
4am
I'm exhausted, and not feeling very well...I just gave Caleb a bottle and put him back to bed and am not quite ready to crawl back to bed myself....so I figured, why not blog? (I know, I'll probablly regret this later!)
This past week has been full of some lessons learned... Such as: Don't go black friday shopping when you have an infant in the house who didn't sleep well the previous night, which means you didn't sleep well the previous night....so that's 2 nights of basicly no sleep. NO DEAL IN THE WORLD IS WORTH THAT!!! Yes...I was foolish and pulled in by the temporary excitement....later to realize (when I broke down crying like a baby myself due to extreme fatige/exhaustion) that it was SO not worth it. Needless to say....I think my black friday shopping days are either over all together, or will be shelved for a few years.
After all that exhaustion I wound up with a cold (which I am still batteling)....and with Matt working all the hours he's been working, he wound up sick as well. Matt stayed home from work tonight...I HAD to put in some clinical time this week since I'm so behind from missing when Caleb was born. But, the rest of the week will be spent laying low and doing the bare minimum.
Caleb is now one month old! He's spending more and more time awake and alert. He loves to look around and take it all in.... We're getting some "half smiles" from him. I think they're smiles, but they're not big and cheesy yet so it's difficult to say if he's actually smiling. But, it's a definate change from the blank stare of a new-newborn! He's taking around 5 oz for a feeding and he eats around 5-6 bottles a day! He's definatley getting big....who am I kidding, he started out big! But, he's growing and maturing. It's neat that I am noticing it since I see him every day. It's funny, I put him in his car seat one day and I just looked at him and "all of a sudden" it was like he was filling the ENTIRE thing out! I took the newborn pads out, that helped! Matt stood on the scale with him the other day and he was 13 lbs 10 oz, that's unofficial of course...but I'm sure it's close! I can't believe it! He wears anywhere from 3-6mo or just 6mo clothing. Some brands are a little big...but the 3mo stuff is definatley snug on him. I'm trying to weed out what is definatley too small and what he can still get by with for a bit longer. His poor eyes are leaking a lot still and get so crusy and gunky at times. I'm pretty sure at this point that it's not an infection (since he's been on antibiotics for so long and there's been no change)....I think it's a blocked tear duct (my mom looked it up online, I guess it's pretty common). If that's the case, it may take up to a year to go away....yikes! So, we're just keeping his little eyes clean the best we can and I'll address it when we go for his 2 mo check in Jan.
Other than than we're all just trying to stay healthy (no more crazy shopping extravaganza's for me) and warm. I hear snow is in the forecast for the next couple days....I wouldn't mind a little, but generally once it starts it doesn't stop for a few months!
I'm excited, so many people I know are pregnant and are finding out what they're having or are just finding out they're pregnant! I still want so deeply to have a biological child, to feel what pregnancy is like and giving birth is like and what nursing (since it didn't work out for Caleb) is like! It makes me want to "hurry up" and get pregnant! Ha! First of all....AM I CRAZY??? Caleb is a month old and I'm already thinking of #2?!? And second...if I could "hurry up" and have one, wouldn't I have already had a couple by now?? I'm just sayin! I was in Target earlier this week and there was a sweet mommy with her twins. I had Caleb in the cart and she looked at me and smiled as I passed and said, "I remember thinking that was so hard"....then, as she looked down at her brood...."if I only knew"! She shared a bit of her story with me saying that she experienced a miscarriage before her first child, a son. He's now 4! Then, in between her son and the twins (who are 8 months) she had a difficult time getting pregnant and experienced another miscarriage...or twins! She explained that her doctor encouraged fertility treatments, but she was reluctant because she naturally concieved twins...what would fertility drugs do? She didn't want to have 9 babies! She told me the twins actually started out as triplet en utero....triplets!!! Naturally!! Can you believe it? She then told me that when she was little she prayed for twins! That sounded all too familiar! (I have often asked God for twins...even triplets!....yes, I belive I might be a little nutty!) When I shared a bit of my story with her, she smiled and lauged and said that now I'll get pregnant with twins and I can blame her! I would love to have a sibling close in age to Caleb... But, it's all in God's hands! He delievered Caleb to me, so I'm sure He's got the rest of it under control!
Well, I've been blogging now for far too long if I have any hopes of going back to sleep for a while!
This past week has been full of some lessons learned... Such as: Don't go black friday shopping when you have an infant in the house who didn't sleep well the previous night, which means you didn't sleep well the previous night....so that's 2 nights of basicly no sleep. NO DEAL IN THE WORLD IS WORTH THAT!!! Yes...I was foolish and pulled in by the temporary excitement....later to realize (when I broke down crying like a baby myself due to extreme fatige/exhaustion) that it was SO not worth it. Needless to say....I think my black friday shopping days are either over all together, or will be shelved for a few years.
After all that exhaustion I wound up with a cold (which I am still batteling)....and with Matt working all the hours he's been working, he wound up sick as well. Matt stayed home from work tonight...I HAD to put in some clinical time this week since I'm so behind from missing when Caleb was born. But, the rest of the week will be spent laying low and doing the bare minimum.
Caleb is now one month old! He's spending more and more time awake and alert. He loves to look around and take it all in.... We're getting some "half smiles" from him. I think they're smiles, but they're not big and cheesy yet so it's difficult to say if he's actually smiling. But, it's a definate change from the blank stare of a new-newborn! He's taking around 5 oz for a feeding and he eats around 5-6 bottles a day! He's definatley getting big....who am I kidding, he started out big! But, he's growing and maturing. It's neat that I am noticing it since I see him every day. It's funny, I put him in his car seat one day and I just looked at him and "all of a sudden" it was like he was filling the ENTIRE thing out! I took the newborn pads out, that helped! Matt stood on the scale with him the other day and he was 13 lbs 10 oz, that's unofficial of course...but I'm sure it's close! I can't believe it! He wears anywhere from 3-6mo or just 6mo clothing. Some brands are a little big...but the 3mo stuff is definatley snug on him. I'm trying to weed out what is definatley too small and what he can still get by with for a bit longer. His poor eyes are leaking a lot still and get so crusy and gunky at times. I'm pretty sure at this point that it's not an infection (since he's been on antibiotics for so long and there's been no change)....I think it's a blocked tear duct (my mom looked it up online, I guess it's pretty common). If that's the case, it may take up to a year to go away....yikes! So, we're just keeping his little eyes clean the best we can and I'll address it when we go for his 2 mo check in Jan.
Other than than we're all just trying to stay healthy (no more crazy shopping extravaganza's for me) and warm. I hear snow is in the forecast for the next couple days....I wouldn't mind a little, but generally once it starts it doesn't stop for a few months!
I'm excited, so many people I know are pregnant and are finding out what they're having or are just finding out they're pregnant! I still want so deeply to have a biological child, to feel what pregnancy is like and giving birth is like and what nursing (since it didn't work out for Caleb) is like! It makes me want to "hurry up" and get pregnant! Ha! First of all....AM I CRAZY??? Caleb is a month old and I'm already thinking of #2?!? And second...if I could "hurry up" and have one, wouldn't I have already had a couple by now?? I'm just sayin! I was in Target earlier this week and there was a sweet mommy with her twins. I had Caleb in the cart and she looked at me and smiled as I passed and said, "I remember thinking that was so hard"....then, as she looked down at her brood...."if I only knew"! She shared a bit of her story with me saying that she experienced a miscarriage before her first child, a son. He's now 4! Then, in between her son and the twins (who are 8 months) she had a difficult time getting pregnant and experienced another miscarriage...or twins! She explained that her doctor encouraged fertility treatments, but she was reluctant because she naturally concieved twins...what would fertility drugs do? She didn't want to have 9 babies! She told me the twins actually started out as triplet en utero....triplets!!! Naturally!! Can you believe it? She then told me that when she was little she prayed for twins! That sounded all too familiar! (I have often asked God for twins...even triplets!....yes, I belive I might be a little nutty!) When I shared a bit of my story with her, she smiled and lauged and said that now I'll get pregnant with twins and I can blame her! I would love to have a sibling close in age to Caleb... But, it's all in God's hands! He delievered Caleb to me, so I'm sure He's got the rest of it under control!
Well, I've been blogging now for far too long if I have any hopes of going back to sleep for a while!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thankfulness
Today I am so overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions I'm not sure if I'll be able to get out all I want to say and have it sound intelligible, let alone eloquent. However, I have to try and release what's in my heart. Not so much for myself...because I'm already feeling it. Not so much for my Lord, because He already knows it. But for all of "you"....you who are family, you who are friends...you whom I love and I would be remiss to not try and shout from the "mountain top" how I'm feeling, because I would never want to keep the joy that I have to myself.
If you are reading my blog, you already know something about the struggle and the road that I've taken to lead me to motherhood. It's been bumpy, and painful...stressful and uncomfortable. But today, I am so THANKFUL for ALL OF IT. Every bit of the struggle, every bit of the pain....every moment I waited (and I know some have waited longer than I...), the loss that I've endured. I am so thankful for it all, because I believe without it I would not be able to see the miracle that I have in my son today. He truly is a miracle.... He is a deliberate answer to a fervent prayer that I have petitioned for daily for the past 4 years!
God is so AMAZING!! He knows our hearts, He knows our desires....and His timing and His way are perfect.
I think one of the ways Caleb is such a special miracle to me is because I get a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father feels toward us....toward me. Not only because I'm now a mother and can comprehend the love a parent feels toward their child (which is nothing that one can explain, it's just something that happens....and it didn't happen right away for me either, but it's there and it's amazing!), but because I'm an ADOPTIVE mother....and we're all children of the Lord...adopted into His Heavenly family. I kinda feel like it's a special bond between me and the Lord now....and I can't explain it.
God is such a creative God...when I think back to the timing of all this, and how Matt and I were just getting ready to call the doctor about resuming our fertility treatments. When I think about how we endured months and months of fertility treatments that resulted in nothing... When I think about how many times we tried pursuing adoption on our own, through an agency, and never felt like it was quite the right time. I think back on all these things knowing that my Lord hand His Hand in it all. Because he knew there was a little boy, who was going to be born on November 3, 2009 that was going to need a mother and a father. And He hand picked Matt and myself to be the blessed parents of this little precious bundle. He knew that it would be really difficult at times to endure the pain of waiting and the pain of miscarriages...the pain of seeing my monthly cycle and being discouraged time after time. He knew ALL that....but He saw BEYOND all that...to this moment. He saw little Caleb, an orphan, and He allowed him to be delivered right into my arms. God doesn't always work in our timing....or in our way....but He ALWAYS works! I can't imagine loving this little man any more...and even though he's only been with us a few weeks, I can't imagine life without him!
God is such a personal, loving God. He knows our life, He knows our hearts, our desires....and He WANTS to give them to us. To you....
I am so blessed this Thanksgiving day...I am so thankful for a God who loves me and knows me personally. He formed me and knows all the hairs on my head. He knows my thoughts before I think them and my words before I speak them. And He CHOSE me... He chose me to be Caleb's mom....
If you are reading my blog, you already know something about the struggle and the road that I've taken to lead me to motherhood. It's been bumpy, and painful...stressful and uncomfortable. But today, I am so THANKFUL for ALL OF IT. Every bit of the struggle, every bit of the pain....every moment I waited (and I know some have waited longer than I...), the loss that I've endured. I am so thankful for it all, because I believe without it I would not be able to see the miracle that I have in my son today. He truly is a miracle.... He is a deliberate answer to a fervent prayer that I have petitioned for daily for the past 4 years!
God is so AMAZING!! He knows our hearts, He knows our desires....and His timing and His way are perfect.
I think one of the ways Caleb is such a special miracle to me is because I get a small glimpse of what our Heavenly Father feels toward us....toward me. Not only because I'm now a mother and can comprehend the love a parent feels toward their child (which is nothing that one can explain, it's just something that happens....and it didn't happen right away for me either, but it's there and it's amazing!), but because I'm an ADOPTIVE mother....and we're all children of the Lord...adopted into His Heavenly family. I kinda feel like it's a special bond between me and the Lord now....and I can't explain it.
God is such a creative God...when I think back to the timing of all this, and how Matt and I were just getting ready to call the doctor about resuming our fertility treatments. When I think about how we endured months and months of fertility treatments that resulted in nothing... When I think about how many times we tried pursuing adoption on our own, through an agency, and never felt like it was quite the right time. I think back on all these things knowing that my Lord hand His Hand in it all. Because he knew there was a little boy, who was going to be born on November 3, 2009 that was going to need a mother and a father. And He hand picked Matt and myself to be the blessed parents of this little precious bundle. He knew that it would be really difficult at times to endure the pain of waiting and the pain of miscarriages...the pain of seeing my monthly cycle and being discouraged time after time. He knew ALL that....but He saw BEYOND all that...to this moment. He saw little Caleb, an orphan, and He allowed him to be delivered right into my arms. God doesn't always work in our timing....or in our way....but He ALWAYS works! I can't imagine loving this little man any more...and even though he's only been with us a few weeks, I can't imagine life without him!
God is such a personal, loving God. He knows our life, He knows our hearts, our desires....and He WANTS to give them to us. To you....
I am so blessed this Thanksgiving day...I am so thankful for a God who loves me and knows me personally. He formed me and knows all the hairs on my head. He knows my thoughts before I think them and my words before I speak them. And He CHOSE me... He chose me to be Caleb's mom....
Monday, November 23, 2009
New Beginings
With the new addition to our family and the new developments in our life I deemed it an appropriate time to begin a new blog! This blog will be by invitation only, so...mostly for family and a few friends that I know have "checked in" on the blog from time to time! So...without further dely....
Caleb is doing great! I keep hearing about what a blessing I have in him, besides the obvious.....he's a very content boy and is almost (*knock on wood*) sleeping "through" the night!! He definatley will do a 6-8 hour stretch through the night....it just depends on when he starts his night as how much of a "night" it is for me!! :) But, any stretch of time is good....and typically in the am, he'll take a bottle and lay back down for a few hours.....so if he wakes up early (like at 4 am) he'll eat and go back to sleep! He's been very good for church and out and about! I take him with me wherever I need to go (like to choir practice or my cousin's bridal shower) and he just hangs out or sleeps! As good as he is, fatigue still finds me. I realize this makes me sound like a huge wimp conisering I'm NOT working and yes I'm in school full time....it's still not as much as others. I think the "stress" of some other things in our lives, as well as just finalizing the adoption proceedings (which will be an ongoing thing for a little while)...coupled with the fact that Matt has had some pretty crazy hours at work lately and I've just been tired! I broke out my friend Mr. Coffee....he forgave me for placing him away in the buffett for so long and promised to give me a much needed pick up every morning as long as I promised to never neglect him again, I agreed. However, I think he's having the last laugh because today I think I put one too many scoops in the filter (I was a little too eager) and my coffe tasted discustingly strong. And then I managed to spill it on myself on my way to clinical....of course that might be the revenge of Matt's truck for always talking about it with such disdain....
I am very much looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday this week!! I think I almost look forward to Thanksgiving more than Christmas.... I think it's because the dynamic at Thanksgiving is different...there's different ppl at our Thanksgiving gathering than for Christmans. Plus there's the anticipation of Christmas around the corner....and....BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!!!! The tradition started for us about 3 years ago and we're still going strong.... (ok, 3 yrs isn't that long...) This year the numbers have dwindled significatnly though. Matt will be working, so he's out. And mom and Guy will be watching lil man, so they're out. So that leaves Tiffany, Cassandra and myself.... I'm soooo excited!!! And I really don't know why, I don't have any "special" purchase I'm looking forward to!! I just think the rush of it all is exciting!
Well, it's almost time for another bottle for lil man....
Here's to a new blog in honor of our new life with our new lil man....a new beginning!
Caleb is doing great! I keep hearing about what a blessing I have in him, besides the obvious.....he's a very content boy and is almost (*knock on wood*) sleeping "through" the night!! He definatley will do a 6-8 hour stretch through the night....it just depends on when he starts his night as how much of a "night" it is for me!! :) But, any stretch of time is good....and typically in the am, he'll take a bottle and lay back down for a few hours.....so if he wakes up early (like at 4 am) he'll eat and go back to sleep! He's been very good for church and out and about! I take him with me wherever I need to go (like to choir practice or my cousin's bridal shower) and he just hangs out or sleeps! As good as he is, fatigue still finds me. I realize this makes me sound like a huge wimp conisering I'm NOT working and yes I'm in school full time....it's still not as much as others. I think the "stress" of some other things in our lives, as well as just finalizing the adoption proceedings (which will be an ongoing thing for a little while)...coupled with the fact that Matt has had some pretty crazy hours at work lately and I've just been tired! I broke out my friend Mr. Coffee....he forgave me for placing him away in the buffett for so long and promised to give me a much needed pick up every morning as long as I promised to never neglect him again, I agreed. However, I think he's having the last laugh because today I think I put one too many scoops in the filter (I was a little too eager) and my coffe tasted discustingly strong. And then I managed to spill it on myself on my way to clinical....of course that might be the revenge of Matt's truck for always talking about it with such disdain....
I am very much looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday this week!! I think I almost look forward to Thanksgiving more than Christmas.... I think it's because the dynamic at Thanksgiving is different...there's different ppl at our Thanksgiving gathering than for Christmans. Plus there's the anticipation of Christmas around the corner....and....BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING!!!! The tradition started for us about 3 years ago and we're still going strong.... (ok, 3 yrs isn't that long...) This year the numbers have dwindled significatnly though. Matt will be working, so he's out. And mom and Guy will be watching lil man, so they're out. So that leaves Tiffany, Cassandra and myself.... I'm soooo excited!!! And I really don't know why, I don't have any "special" purchase I'm looking forward to!! I just think the rush of it all is exciting!
Well, it's almost time for another bottle for lil man....
Here's to a new blog in honor of our new life with our new lil man....a new beginning!
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